Angst jumping up my spine, through my skull, and into my brain...

Things that haven't even happened yet
Trying to find...

SOUTIONS like a MAN finds...

Tearing up with fear of the future...

One day at a time isn't always that easy...

Trying to go to sleep but have this feeling of uneasy.

Floating
Comfort is bliss
Nothing to see
Everything to experience
It's like I'm in outer space
Floating
Gliding through the milky way...

When the time comes

I will face what is

I will be armed with Tums

And that stuff that goes plop plop fizz fizz

Stress can do that to me

Life isn't full of jubilee all the time

It can turn on you at a drop of a dime

That's Why I put my stress in a mass grave

Without the lime

Just let all that smelly angst decay

Then pray on a stress-free day

There's a time to work and a time to play

But then there's a time to just relax

To Quit thinking about how good it would be to have stacks

Money mountains higher than Everest

Being grandiose enough to think I'm the best

No! To just meditate and clear my mind

Clear the thoughts making me blind

A man with no baggage is a good find

That is what I want to be

Free, Free to be me...

The sun shines before it rains
The rain feeds all the fields, gardens, and plains

A rainbow shows itself when the sun comes back out
The sun interrupts the rain and tells everyone what art is about

Wet grass is transformed into a dark green and its lush
its so beautiful it keeps everyone to a deep, meditating hush

Scenes like these are what lullabies are about
Putting babies into a nice coma-like dream-filled sleep--to keep the cranky's out

Treat after treat is the great out doors
it is important to get out and step into the green, away from man made floors

An empty room
So quiet its loud
Replaced by a haunted mind
A toxic world is developed
No escape when awake
Even worse when asleep
The tricks silence plays
A psychological drama
Voices no one else can hear
Faced with self
A mission many haven't completed
No advice
No encouragement
No love
Just self
A full mind
with An empty heart
No soul
One could lose everything
An empty room is dangerous
An empty room is for a full heart
No doubts of self
No discouraging inner voices
Only someone with a soul

It has been so long, I have been through so much since the last time I have written in my blog, and now I feel it is time to reclaim my seat. The fact of the matter is, blogging was such good therapy for me. I was able to get all the crap out of my system; just regurgitate up and out all the bad stuff that filled my soul with angst.

I have totally seen better days. I have been living with my mom ever since I moved back from Chicago, three years ago. My luck with jobs has been terrible! I am wicked discouraged. Although I did pass the Postal exam this week. Working for the post office would be an amazing switch, if/when I get that Government job. I would be going from peanuts to over 40K starting pay. And with all the benefits coming my way. Security would be my middle name hahaa! It's a waiting game right now, I am keeping my fingers crossed and steadily praying about, and for it (say if you could either keep your fingers crossed for me, or, if you pray, say a prayer for me, I would totally be grateful for that--I mean if anybody reads this, that is).

Lately, for chump-change, I have been working as an independent courier for a couple of online companies, such as, Postmates and even Caviar for a little while. It's okay, but, you have to work forever to make a steady income (then again, that might be because I haven't found the right online company to be a courier for yet. I just applied to be a GrubHub driver, we will see how that goes--sick of Postmates).

I am doing the best I can to keep my head up, but, I feel that something needs to happen fast, or I will have a problem not acting in desperation. I have looked into volunteering into the Turkish army to fight ISIS. I haven't done much for this country, and so when I saw that program on Netflix about Americans and others from all over the world volunteering to fight against Isis, a light bulb lit up. I am not saying that I am going to do that but, I have romanced the thought. It is funny where our mind takes us when we feel worthless.

Life is tough, the world is dangerous, and nothing is going to get easier...

Life Isn't Easy

I have finally received my mugs... I especially like the one that changes from black to white, with the heat of my coffee...