July 20, 2012
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How I feel...
So if I was to try and explain how I feel today -- I would say that I feel just fine. I'm still me, I feel better, but I still have my off-days. I'm at the point in my life where I see the grass is greener on the other side, yep, that again. I went to Martha's Vineyard and spent time with my family at the summer house on Chappaquiddick for a few days. I ate well, lived the good life, everything was tranquil and serene, I was content, and I wanted to stay longer but, I couldn't. I see how my mom and dad live: nice condos, houses, cars, the good life, doing what they want to do a hundred percent of the time (so it seems), and I have yet to see my house with a white picket fence. I want some fuckin' grass too! Hahaha, I mean, it would be nice, not there yet I guess. I see my brother, his wife, successful business, beautiful daughter, he's doing what he wants to do, about to buy a house, and very happy. I wanna fuckin' smile while holding a wife too! Hahaha, I mean, it would be nice, not there yet I guess.
I've been thinking about what will happen with my book -- WILL I MAKE IT AS A WRITER? WILL I MAKE A LOT OF MONEY? WILL ALL MY WORK HAVE BEEN PROFITABLE AS WELL AS WORTH IT?! I don't know, I'm still in the process with copyrighting it, after that, I'll get my ISBN number -- WILL I MAKE IT AS A WRITER? WILL I MAKE A LOT OF MONEY? WILL MY WORK HAVE BEEN PROFITABLE AS WELL AS WORTH IT?! Only time will tell I guess.
I'm back in the union training center finishing up classes so I can upgrade my status at work. I was falling asleep, fuck, electricity is boring when you're reading about it, trying to answer quiz questions, and trying to skim through the book to find all the answers. I was nodding off like an active heroin user. What the fuck? I was so discouraged that I questioned myself on whether or not I should quit or stick it out. I'll stick it out but I don't think I'm going to enjoy it.
I feel fine though, really I do, I guess I'm just antsy. Whatever, things will work out, I know they will. But, by chance if they don't work out, at least I have my meds to keep me from being a harm to others as well as myself... Hahahahaha, I jest, ha! by golly-gee-gosh, I JESTAHOHOHAAA!
Picture Source: http://ecocatlady.blogspot.com/2011/12/christmas-crazy-flower-is-blooming.html
Comments (11)
@Xcite_Media -
... Hugs, thank you for being a supportive friend.
Good luck with your book. I believe you are a good writer and I like what you have been writing so far.
@ctaretz - You're welcome love! Thank you for your kind words honey. You know I am a huge fan of yours. For those hugs and kisses you know where I am and you know I am willing so come find me.
Many hugs and kisses to you! 
@boricua_chic_2008 - Awww, thank you so much, and you have been awesome to me ever since I've been on this site. You deserve all of my hugs and kisses...
We all hit a period of doubt within ourselves, but you're strong in a lot of ways and you'll always pick yourself up again. Trust and have faith that you will make it. Your goals will be met when you least expect them to. Just keep working hard towards your goals. Always do what makes you happy and focus on being who you wanna be. Don't worry about what others have. You'll have all you want in due time. I know how it feels to wait and wait for things to happen. I guess we must practice patience which I am not good at lol. You're a gifted writer and I am sure you'll make it very far with your book. Best wishes to you!
I agree, thank you.
You can't just rush things by, you'll get there.
@ShimmerBodyCream -
... hugs.
You will make it.
@wolvenchic - Thank you so much for relating with me. It feels good to know I'm not alone in the, "not there yet", department... You'll get there too... Hugs...
Thats how I feel when I see someone with a career and degree... "not there yet I guess". You'll get there
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